Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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