just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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