great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
