somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
