I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
