So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
