the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
