I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
