Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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