this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
