Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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