Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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