Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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