All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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