Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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