Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
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THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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