Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize