This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
