sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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