I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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