i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
