did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
