If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm having to shit out rocks
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