Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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