even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
