as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
