i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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