We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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