Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
