I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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