non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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