he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
