I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
