You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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