Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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