Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize