What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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