I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
