someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
