so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
