you guys were way drunker than both of me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
