I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
