also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
