Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
