he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
