maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
