my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
...so i touched it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
