turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
