Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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