I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
