i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
