I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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