My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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