Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
