here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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