i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
