It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
