if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
