If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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