Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
