Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
