I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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