good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
