it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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