people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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